Firestorm in Review

I always thought that I was born in the wrong age. I should have been a pioneer, facing the new world,  the wagon road, the trail to the west. Something. Not just mundane and get through life things.
That kind of thinking tells you when the  road is rough, put on the iron suit and keep trudging. It can't kill off the real deep inside "you" Well, I guess we all have lessons to learn.

That policy worked - mostly. But while we were living in our single wide rental  counting the days till we could move back to our spot on the hill and a new house, there were days when I would find myself going back to bed during the day, pulling the covers up and just laying as still as I possibly could.

I haven't cut my hair since about 1974. Just going to be as the Lord made me.
Well, after we actually moved into the house, I found my hair was just getting shorter. I tried no sulfate shampoos. I was gentle with it. But it just kept getting shorter, and its not "even" all the way around. There are places on the sides of my head that are only 5 inches long. Little frizzles and breaks everyday. It doesn't feel like straw or anything, it is just falling off and out. I have read somewhere that that is from trauma. ????

I can see that the whole experiance of the fire taking away alot of your life work in a few minutes of time has changed my husband, my daughter and I. You can't quite put your finger on why we are just, kind of different, do not react the same, have a little trouble getting things to fall together right in our head-- but its there.
Some days I have glimpses of the "old me". But its not quite there. Will it ever be? After all we are adjusting and moving on. Our bodies have gotten olders. Our goals are different. Our humor is different. It just all adds up.

In some ways I am more patient. I know that realistically things have happened really well for us, and that you have to put the things in order by importance, adjust to change in plans, by who offers to help do what and wait for the comfortable and ease of  a new chickenhouse and make do with the  surviving  goathouse. The chickens are alive and doing, they just don't have a roost yet, or laying boxes or screens to keep the birds away from their food.

There are things we need to do before we plant shrubs and stuff, but it will have to wait abit longer. The siding took so long to get on, but its almost completely on now-- so, what if it has to wait till spring for paint now?

We have got so very much done-- be happy.

I feel very old now and am testing what few skills I seem to have left. There is so much that I could do before the fire, that now I can't. It took a toll on the very quality of my health and lfie. It would have happened anyway, right? Well, maybe not just how it has.

Its an adjustment.